After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
