Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
