Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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