I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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