WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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