Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
