It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize