hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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