I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
