brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize