dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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