Soap is not a condiment
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
