i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
