It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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