you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
