haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
