Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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