My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
