TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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