we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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