Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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