Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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