Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
