lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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