I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
