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Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up under a house in Key West
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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