guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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