Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you would pick up someone in the library
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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