It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
