Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
