he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
