It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize