he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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