Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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