That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what day is it and did you see me today?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
