A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
