She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
