Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize