Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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