i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
