Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
