I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
