We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
