Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
