id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
