Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
