I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
