So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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