He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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