Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
