Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
