Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
