I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
