even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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