My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
