You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
