Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
