I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
