These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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