did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
