So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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