after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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