I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
