i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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