8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
