This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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