you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
