Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Be still, my beating vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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