I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
