Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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