my mouth tastes like poor choices
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
