saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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