Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize