at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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