sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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