Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
