he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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