eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
