You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
