My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I checked into jail on foursquare
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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