It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
