Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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