how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
