she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
