Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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