Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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