we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
